Feeling really good today! Seems like something has been lifted and I feel happier than as of late. It was brought to my attention the other night that I have been quite down on myself lately about several things.
We have been trying to get pregnant since about December. No one else really knows we have made this decision and thank god since it hasn't happened yet. I have been putting too much pressure on myself about it and so can't imagine how much pressure I would feel with others wondering how it is going. I know I should relax about it and I have read all the stuff about what to do and what not to, I just can't seem to help feeling tense about it. I have these irrational worries that I have done something wrong to prevent getting pregnant or that for so long I did not want to have a child that the universe gave my chance to someone else who wanted it. I know, crazy.
I have always had the personality flaw of being too hard on myself when I think things are not going right. I really think it has gotten better as I get older but I have had a bad bout of it recently and I'm sure it is because I am not pregnant yet. And that has spread to everything else, including crossfit.
I was listening to a podcast yesterday and this morning on the drive from and too work. Podcasts are another thing Josh got me on to. I knew they were out there but never bothered to look into it, or maybe just did not think I had anything interesting to download. Listening to them I have realized there are some super smart people out there and am envious at times. Anyways on the Underground Wellness podcast he had someone on who wrote a book called A Philosopher's Notes. One of those guys who have found a way to live their best life and all that. It was about fears holding you back, goals, and all that junk we always hear about and that I have looked up or read before. However it came at a great time as I obviously needed a reminder and renewed perspective on things.
My love Josh always does very well saying the right things to reassure me and I think it seems like I don't listen to him sometimes but it isn't that. I'm slow to believe maybe, or need more sources saying the same thing for me to really get it.
Whatever it is I think I am on the road back to getting it. Or at least I have a renewed sense to try. I'm going to check out his website and see what it's all about. And probably blog about it too. ;)
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